Have you ever found humor reviewing resumes? As recruiters, we spend most of our day reviewing resumes. It is a tedious process that can get old quickly, especially if you recruit nurses and have the same candidates applying for multiple positions within your hospital. However, sometimes reviewing resumes can be entertaining as you filter through the poorly written, unprofessional and even inappropriate comments. Throughout my years as a recruiter I have saved a few examples of humor reviewing resumes. Here are several snippets that are sure to put a smile on your face.
Example 1 – Over sharing
“I have accounting and computer experience. I work well by myself with little direction needed. I’m looking to work from home as I was injured at work and need to lay down frequently. I don’t have the ability to sit, stand or walk for long periods of time. I’m hoping that you’ll have a place for me in your company. Thank you for your attention.”
Sally, no, no, no, TMI!
Example 2 – Poor grammar
i am a team player willing to learn more skills to enhance my career goals. life is not the way u make it its the way u decide to live.
dave, gr8 summary. life is the way u make it tho. Add grammar to the list of skills you want to learn.
Example 3 – Misnaming
Shannon Holt, Sr. Nurse Recruiter at Providence Healthcare in DC, remembers a time when she received a resume that had “God Help You” as part of the filename.
She didn’t open it.
Example 4 – Negative attitude
I had a call from a friend who wanted me to help her friend find a new Occupational Therapist position. Her resume was titled OTSucks.
I told her I could not help her.
Example 5 – Outdated
Awards and Honors:
2003-2006 Jardine Middle School Honor Roll
I am not going to lie. I thought this one was adorable, but then it made me a little sad thinking that this was all she thought we wanted to know…and that the last time she made honor roll was in middle school.
Example 6 – Too much…
“I believe that experience, strength and hope guide our everyday thoughts and challenges. I also believe that strength and wisdom determine whether a person is ready to act on behalf of the company. I also believe that physical fitness helps me in all aspects of my career and keeps me engaged in activities. I have so much energy that I do not struggle as much keeping up with demand. By staying physically active my life has changed for the better. I also love human beings and have learned how to tolerate human beings as I have matured into a woman in mid-life. I feel I am now mature and able to handle more crew. I am such a people person and enjoy helping them when they need assistance. Not only that, I am graceful and tactful when helping human beings. Why? They always feel welcome and return because they feel eloquent and divine. I have trained so much to understand what makes human beings return and truly being cared for is the most strategic method. I am also a very straight lace person and moderate myself in order to maintain a stable ground and footing. I think this is why one of the nation’s leading attorneys has chosen me as his girlfriend for the past three and half years. I enjoy sharing these gifts with human beings I care about. I would like to share them with you.”
This fantastic cover letter helps me to look past her drug conviction and violation of a restraining order. She is just finishing a Bachelors in Psychology and applied to be a Surgical Tech, Leadership Recruiter or Director of Business Operations. I am struggling to decide which position she is best suited for… (The line about the boyfriend is my personal favorite.)
Example 7 – Poor attendance
I reviewed a CNA application, and in the section that asks if the applicant has ever been terminated, she responded “Yes”. The applicant has an opportunity to explain the circumstances. This is what she wrote: “I was terminated from my position at ABC hospital for excessive absences and tardiness. I have learned my lesson and now am frequently on time.”
